


What If It's You

by Calysta18



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Male Slash, POV First Person, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-22
Updated: 2017-02-22
Packaged: 2018-09-26 07:15:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9873020
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Calysta18/pseuds/Calysta18
Summary: Sam resorts to the tea leaves!!!!





	

**Author's Note:**

> Initially uploaded to the Sam and Dean Archive - old story, new home!

It's Sunday and it's all Dean's fault that I'm sitting at the table in the small kitchen of the small apartment we are renting while my broken ankle heals. I'm staring down trying to make sense of the thick browny green leaves clustered together at the bottom and down the sides of the chipped white china cup that I found in one of the kitchen cupboards.

I groan to myself knowing in truth that I only have myself to blame and I let my mind drift back to last Saturday. Dean had persuaded me out of the apartment and despite me hobbling slowly at his side fighting with my crutches we spent an enjoyable afternoon at a local travelling fair meandering amongst the side shows, enjoying the warm sunshine and each other's company, free for once from the hunt and the darkness it brings to our lives.

I know now that I should never have let Dean persuade me to have my palm read by Sadie. But it was such a wonderful day and I was swept away by Dean's obvious enthusiasm and his beautiful smile. The smile lit up his whole face blinding me with its intensity and my usual serious common sense disappeared as it always does where is Dean is concerned.

In no time I found myself sitting opposite a dark haired youngish woman with the most mesmerising eyes - unless you don't count Dean's of course - that I have ever seen. Dressed in a purple chiffon dress, her long dark hair was tied loosely into a braid with purple ribbon. She looked me up and down as she accepted my offered money and I had the distinct feeling that she was looking deep into my soul.

I glanced about nervously taking in my surroundings in an effort to calm myself. Looking up I noticed that the top of the marquee was draped with folds of pale coloured silk. Sadie had the lights dimmed using candlelight instead to create a tranquil atmosphere. The small flames from the candles flickered and I watched fascinated as the light danced across the white canvas casting shadows over the simple table and chairs positioned in the centre. I smelt incense burning, the aroma delicate, and could just make out long tapers of smoke disappearing up into the folds of the marquee. Sadie had somehow managed to create an air of the supernatural within the small marquee. I am sure it was meant to be calming and serene but it made me feel more nervous. Supernatural for me meant rock salt, shotguns, salt lines, werewolves and other monsters not the tranquil calm that she had created around herself.

I remember shivering and Sadie giggled apparently amused by my discomfort. I jumped at her touch and she laughed again. Smiling, she took my hand turning it over and peering down to study the lines and creases of my now sweaty palm. I peered down too curious to know what she could see. I eventually admitted defeat being only able to make out a tangled mass of lines, creases and a small white scar where Dean had accidentally stabbed me with a screwdriver when we were children and playing with tools we shouldn't have been. So instead I stared distractedly around the small marquee.

Sadie looked up letting go of my hand. "You don't believe do you?" she accused lightly. I flushed with embarrassment, shaking and nodding my head at the same time. She smiled. "Would it surprise you to know that you are not alone?" she held my gaze. "He stands by your side watching over you, but it wasn't always that way. He left you alone many times when you were younger." I couldn't help myself I looked back over my shoulder expecting to see my father standing behind me. There was no-one there and I snapped my head back to stare at Sadie. She just smiled at me again. "You believe in so many things, so many different cultures," she narrowed her eyes at me. "And you have seen many things. Things that no-one has ever seen or would ever believe in. But you don't believe that I can see your future in your hand," she smiled again. "But you came anyway because someone important to you asked you to."

I half nodded flushing again at her insight but quickly dismissed it knowing that she had probably seen Dean outside. She grinned taking my hand again. "You were put on this earth to love and to be loved. It's here," she ran a slender finger down a thick pink line on my palm. "You had love before but it wasn't a real and true love," she looked up at me for confirmation. "But that love has gone." I nodded again my mind immediately thinking of Jess burning on the ceiling. I shiver slightly at the memory. "But always behind that love was another.... a true love," she continued. "But you are afraid. You think that people will judge you for this love. Be disgusted by it."

I couldn't help myself I peered down at my hand. She chuckled shaking my hand gently. "No. It's not in your palm. I see that in your eyes. In your soul."

"Oh," I cricked my neck from side to side nervously looking down once again at my hand trying to avoid her intense gaze. "So what else do you see in my eyes?" I heard my voice ask.

"You don't need me to tell you that," she pulled a face before smiling at me. "You already know what's in your heart. Your soul. You just have to trust yourself and listen to what your heart is telling you. Your true love will understand and I doubt they will judge you cruelly. You were destined to always be together." I looked up startled at her perceptiveness. She just smiled at me again.

I am startled out of my reverie by the sounds of a loud wailing siren outside the apartment. I stare back down at my cup trying to make sense of the muddle of tea leaves. I don't really believe in tea leaves or fortune telling but I couldn't help myself. I had to know. "Sam Winchester. What the hell are you doing?" I groan to myself. "Dean's right. I'm a freak and a geek. An insane freak." But I can't help looking down at the murky liquid again. I shake my head angry with myself. "You don't believe in this crap," I curse again as I let my head bang on my table several times until I see stars. "Hunters don't read tea leaves," I chant over and over in my head. Sadie was right. I don't really believe but her words have unsettled me. They echo in my head and I have to know. I have to know if it's him.

I think I love Dean. No scrub that, my mind screams, chastising me for the obvious lie. I know I love Dean and I have for a long time, probably even before I left for Stanford. Sadie was right. Jess was the love I thought I wanted. But I had left the love I wanted behind in my quest for normal. Dean is my heart and my soul and I know I couldn't live without him. He lights up the darkness that is our life. But Sadie was right again, I'm afraid. Frightened to trust my heart. However, I can't quite shake the nagging little voice in my head that tells me loving Dean would be different from anything I have ever experienced. Despite his efforts to appear cold and aloof he has always generously shown me a side to his character that he never reveals to anyone else preferring to hide behind a facade of brashness, noise and restless energy. I think only I know the man within. Dean is warm, loving, funny and gentle. He teases me all the time but his eyes always betray him - they are full of mischief, humour and warmth. I imagine sometimes that I can see my feelings mirrored in those beautiful green eyes but quickly dismiss it as fanciful on my part.

And recently I have become more afraid. Afraid that I have given myself away. Dean has caught me several times staring at him. I lied my way out of each situation using anger and sarcasm to hide my true feelings. But if I was brave enough to admit it, I don't think Dean really believed my excuses. I could see it in his eyes.

So afraid to trust my own heart, I have resorted to other methods to discover if my future lies with Dean and his with me. I carefully researched and documented our birth signs to see if we were compatible but I was missing a vital elements of the puzzle - our times of birth. We never really discuss our childhood before the fire and I didn't want to upset him bringing up painful memories. So I consigned my charts to the trash. The rune stones were unsuccessful as I couldn't get them to work properly despite hours of research on the internet while I was bed-ridden with my broken ankle. Or may be they just weren't giving me the answer I craved.

My last hope was the tarot cards that I bought when Dean wasn't looking. They are laying in a pile next to my china teacup. I have dealt them in every way possible and tried to read them. But tarot really isn't my expertise and I am even more confused than I was before. I sigh. Give me demonic symbols to read any time.

So here I am still staring down at the cup trying to see recognisable images in the tea leaves trying to find an answer to a question that, in my heart, I already know the answer to. I silently curse Sadie for telling me that my destiny lay in my own hands, that all I had to do was reach out.

Restless I struggle to my feet still having not managed to master the hated crutches. I have decided that a clean cup and a fresh pot of tea may help me in my quest. I place the kettle on the stove to boil and busy myself rinsing out the teapot and my cup. I heap a spoon with Chinese loose leaf tea - the best kind to use my book stated - as the leaves are large and produce easy to read pictures. On a sudden whim I decide on a second cup in case the first cup doesn't give me my answer. I shake my head annoyed with myself at my foolishness idly wondering if this is what true love does to you. I slump down at the table waiting impatiently for the kettle to boil.

"Sammy," Dean's voice startles me. I look across to the door and my stomach lurches at the sight of Dean leaning lazily against the door frame his arms folded across his chest. He is smiling at me. "What you doing?" he asks as he pushes himself off the door frame.

"What if it's you?" my mind screams at me as I watch him amble over to the stove to turn off the gas ring. He is so beautiful and graceful - he seems to dance across the room, his lithe body full of energy, light and movement. "Kettle's boiled," he grins at me. "Gonna offer me a cup of whatever it is you're making or do you want me to do it?"

I snap out of my trance. "No," I protest as I struggle to my feet one crutch under my arm. "I got it," I hop across the room and wave absently towards one of the chairs. He's done enough fetching and carrying for me over the last few weeks. I busy myself with making my brother some tea.

"Have it your way hop-a-long," Dean chuckles as he slumps into one of the chairs. I turn and scowl at him which makes him chuckle again.

I join him at the table sitting opposite him carefully pouring him a cup of tea. He is slouched in the chair, his body all angles and curves, a hand absently fondling the tarot cards. Dean drinks his tea with a grimace which makes me smile. I stare at him as he swirls the cup in his hand. With a flick of his wrist he turns his cup upside down onto his saucer rotating it three times anti-clockwise. I watch as he closes his eyes, his hand resting on the cup. He turns the cup upwards and holding it in his right hand he stares down into the depths. "Do you wanna know what it says?" he asks me as he looks up a small smile playing on his lips.

I stare at him speechless astonished at his actions. "How.... how?" I stutter feeling a blush rise up my neck spreading to my cheeks as I watch him take my book on tea leaf reading from his pocket and lay it on the table between us.

"So," Dean cocks his head to one side grinning as he nods towards the cup again.   "Do you wanna know?"

"May be," I manage to squeak. Dean frowns slightly. I make a decision there and then. "Yes," I change my mind quickly. "I would like to know what your tea leaves say."

Dean's frown turns into a smile as he pushes the cup to one side. He leans across the table. "I was sent here for you. And you were sent here for me," he whispers his breath hot against my skin. He sits back and I am immediately bereft at the distance. "Your turn," he indicates my cup his eyes glinting with mischief but there is something else there too. Something that I am sure he desperately wants me to see.

I swallow hard as I swirl my cup in my now shaky hand. Clumsily turning the cup upside down in the saucer I begin to rotate it three times. I close my eyes starting slightly as Dean's hand settles on top of mine. I open my eyes and look over to him. He is smiling at me. "Just reach out," he says as he upturns the cup. "It's me you'll see in there."

I glance down at the muddy mixture of tea leaves as Sadie's words echo in my head. I reach my hand across taking his hand holding on for all I am worth reaching towards my destiny.

"Thank God," I hear him mutter as he squeezes my hand. "Sadie was right."

"You know Sadie?" I say as I jerk my hand away suddenly afraid again. Afraid that he is going to tease me. I stare at him searching his face for any hint of teasing. Dean holds my gaze not flinching. I see my love reflected back at me and I relax slightly. I smile at him.

"Yeah I know her," he pulls my hand back towards him and hangs on. "She read my palm once." I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and nod at him encouraging him to go on with his story. "I was at a fair with Cassie, like you and me were last Saturday and Cassie persuaded me to have my palm read. Well it was Sadie. Told me that Cassie wasn't the one. That my destiny lay with the love of my life. The love I'd always denied."

"Did you believe her?" I ask curious.

Dean blushed. "Yeah," he admitted quietly. "But I never thought we'd stand a chance. What... with being... well you know brothers and then you went to college," Dean stammered. "So I hid it away. And when I came for you... well I felt... felt the same. But didn't want to freak you out."

"Oh Dean," I squeeze his hand.

"Stupid huh?" he says shyly staring down at the table. "But then recently you started looking at me funny." I can see that he is blushing and I squeeze his hand again. Dean looks back up smiling slightly. "I sorta started to think that just may be we stood a chance. So when I saw Sadie at the fair, it was like..... like fate or something. So I convinced you to have your palm read hoping that may be I would be there," he strokes a finger down my palm making me shiver involuntarily. "Like you were in mine."

"Oh Dean," is all I can think of saying again but I know I am smiling widely at him because he smiles back. I manoeuvre our hands until our palms are flat against each other's. He feels warm and alive.

"So what do your tea leaves say now?" his green eyes are challenging as he presses against my palm.

"They say," I entwine our fingers together and pull on his hand as I get to my feet and lean against the table for balance. "That I should do this," I draw Dean closer into my arms. He comes willingly as I lean forward gently brushing my lips over his. He moans softly leaning into the kiss returning it with enthusiasm.

Wrapping our arms around one another we kiss Our tongues meet and we both moan as we suck and explore each other's mouth. We caress our hands up and down each other's body, thrusting and rubbing our groins together as we lose ourselves in the kiss. We draw back panting slightly our faces flushed and our arms still wrapped loosely around one another.

"So," Dean grins.

"So," I tease back.

Dean grins again. "How about you and me.... you know... find something to do this afternoon?"

"How about we look at our astrological charts," I can't help teasing as I waggle my eyebrows at him seductively. "Or we could work out the runes."

Dean snorts. "Yeah right," he breathes his voice husky with desire. "Dude. I've got something far better in mind," he leans closer kissing me again. "And it aint got anything to do with rocks or the stars...... but you are so gonna see stars when I've finished with you." He grins again. I whimper in protest as he pulls out of my embrace. "So why don't you hobble this way," Dean waves one hand as he heads towards the door.

I roll my eyes at him but get my crutches under my arms in record time and start to follow my brother. I glance back to the table. On a whim I turn over the tarot card on the top of the pile. I chuckle to myself as the 'lovers' card is revealed.

"Sammy," Dean shouts from the hallway. "You coming?"

"Coming," I shout back as I happily head towards my destiny.


End file.
